Motivational Monday – Encouragement

I was previously in a job that sucked. Yes, I said it… SUCKED! I took a job that was below my intellect, pay grade, and desired field.  Why did I do this? Well… I have bills; I have kids, and household to contribute to as well. Soon after taking the job, I realized this was not a workplace where I wanted to be. I was in the job for eighteen months. It was the longest eighteen months of my life.

I should have sighted the cues in my interview. I remember my manager at the time asked me, “How are you with working with people who are direct? Because I am very direct!” It was the way she said the question with a stench of attitude that I was slightly taken back by. But I ignored my inner concerns and pushed forward with the acceptance of the job.

It was during my first week, I noticed how this culture was very different from places I worked previously. Everyone’s interaction between one another seemed disingenuous. I can recall one day, when one of my co-workers asked me, “Do you have a mirror?” Yes, I said. She then replied, “Oh, because your hair in the back, it’s messed up”. It was the way she said it..filled with nastiness and unconcern that had me thinking.. WOW. But mostly importantly it left me biting my tongue long enough not to curse her out.

My manager quickly turned from being slightly polite to a walking freezer – just cold as ice. It was almost like a climate change when she came into the work area. I can recall several times when she would become irate with me and others. My coworker told me, “You can tell when things are not going well in her life, because she will take it out on you at work.” I can attest – she did.

During my tenure, I lost weight going from a size 12 to a size 4 in less than three months. Although, I looked great! I could buy extra small clothes, even extra-large girl’s clothing. (Shhh) The truth is I was declining mentally. I went into a depressive state. My self-worth was diminished. After picking up my children from school, I would go into my bedroom and throw the cover over my head. I did not want to clean, cook, or be bothered. My attitude became very short and I was extremely irritable.

I was snap on someone without regard. My husband told me, for over a year he and my children walked around the house on eggshells. There were several occasions when I thought, if this is what my life is like I really did not want it. I pondered departing this earth a few times. One time on my daughter’s birthday, I just could not take it. Life was unbearable. I was in a job that mentally deteriorated me. One day, I was so stressed out at work. When I came home my husband poured me a glass of water to take with some headache reliever, I could not pick up the glass to drink without my hand feverishly shaking. The glass fell on the floor and water spilled everywhere. My husband ran to the kitchen and said, “Are you ok?” I apologized for the mess and cried as my hand continued to shake wiping up the water from the floor. He held me in the kitchen and assured me everything is going to be ok.

It was a dear close friend who referred me to a wonderful psychologist/ career counselor. At first, I kept it very professional. During our sessions, we discussed ways in I would plan my exit strategy. We spoke of networking, informal interviews, and job advice. One day, I could not keep it together. I literally feel apart in her office. I could not keep up the front anymore. I broke down crying like a baby, when I composed myself. I confessed on how I am falling apart in my personal and home life.

She gave me amazing support and guided me to regaining my self-esteem back. I was given the following to say in the mirror everyday (I had written the following below with a dry erase marker on my mirror)

• I AM NOT MY JOB
• I HAVE A FAMILY THAT LOVES AND SUPPORTS ME
• I BELIEVE GOD WILL BRING ME OUT

Slowly, I began to regain peace, self-worth, and courage. I would come to work and the environment or my manager’s attitude/actions no longer affected me. I tell my story not to gain sympathy. But as a story of encouragement. If you are in a job or situation in which it seems like you are in sinking sand. Every day, you are getting sucked in to a sense of worthlessness.

I want to let you know… THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Life gives you peaks and valleys. My valleys seemed more like a sinkhole. I was so consumed; I could not see the end of the tunnel. It was only through prayer, my family, and counseling in which I found the courage to see my worth. I prayed and asked God for courage, peace, and to help me find myself again. Through it all, I came out a better person. I am no longer depressed. I am no longer questioning my worth. I am worthy of happiness, peace, and love. I pray you stay encouraged.

Have you been in a workplace, environment, or life situation that becomes all too consuming, where you lost yourself? I would love to hear how you handled it. Share in comments.

 

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